What water can (and can't) teach me
an honest exploration
Hello dear readers, writing this piece has left me feeling anything but watery. Instead, it made me feel very stuck. Usually when I feel this much “stuckness” on something I am writing, it is because I am not being honest with myself, which also happened to be the case here.
The truth is I wanted water to help me not be so afraid of the future, how I might move as water does with surprise and delight, never losing sight of its immensity even as it changes:
Lately, I have been finding myself obsessively trying to quell the fear that present moment me is somehow forsaking future me. I am viscerally terrified of a regret that has not happened, for no other reason than that the future is uncertain and I feel in control of my present.
What if, what if, what if.
I wanted water to tell me that the future can somehow be made to feel safer. I wanted assurances.
But water could not give me those assurances.
Water does n…